I was browsing through the blog of this woman I have been admiring for her class and natural happy personality when I thought that, while, most women or ladies would be blogging about their latest finds, travels, escapades, fashion finds, etc... I am blogging about how I'm getting through with my condition. Blogging about one's struggle to keep her sanity, her happiness, and her journey to find her home is not such a welcome topic. I am assuming that, naturally, people would prefer to read articles with positive tone. My blog is not entirely positive... it's more of a mix of all possible human emotions. In this blog, I am showing how some people are naturally predisposed or "wired" to be happy... that for some, happiness is an effort.
Speaking of effort, today, I had to do a lot of mental talk to convince myself to get up, take a bath, get out of the house, play with my nephew, drive for parents, read a good novel, eat healthy, and show that little smile to people I used to see often in my former work.
I was successful. It sounds a small feat, but, I consider it a big victory already.
The most difficult part in winning today's battle is showing my smile and acknowledge familiar faces I used to work with. My smile was such a forced smile. I mean, if I could just pretend that I didn't see them, I would. Why? I'm afraid that they would sense the change in me - I used to be jolly, happy, cheerful but now, I can't even give them a happy smile. And I'm afraid that they will think I'm not becoming a happy, gracious woman... instead, I'm becoming a wrathful woman. Oh, why am I so concerned about what they think about me?
I really don't know how to end today's blog. I hope someone can do it for me.
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