It can get scary for me as well, sometimes.
Only lately, there have been several naps and deep night sleeps when I would, in my half conscious self, hear and see things happen ... that upon waking up, I knew for sure that it did happen while I was sleeping.
During the first time it did happen, I told my friend that the umbrella that we thought he lost, was actually not lost, and that I found it in one of my many bags. When I looked for the umbrella in my bag, it wasn't there. I thought for awhile what could have had happened. Then I realized, it was just probably in my dream.
This incident followed with a few other incidents that before I would actually tell the people around me what happened or what I thought was happening, I would hold my tongue and think hard first if it was for real or just part of a dream.
I do not know if this is an effect of my medication or not. But I need to know why these things happen.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
in and out
She was never open to talking about it. She knew she was living in a reality where her illness was a vague reality. She would keep it. She would try to hide it... her struggles, that is. Her illness, she was starting to open up to a very few open minded, non judgmental people.
She was trying to be okay. Her brother told her that she should be okay. Their parents should be living a worry-free retirement. She just could not be not okay.
But there would be days she would be okay. Then, suddenly, those days would just seem to be overshadowed by lonely, sad, dark days. She wanted to know why she would just be that... That down, in a dungeon, her arms wrapped around her curled legs, head bowed, not wanting to see any light. She wanted that. She needed that. But she was fighting it, she could not stay for long in that dungeon. She was a light for many hopeful and spirited minds. She just could not be the darkness for those who depend on her to be their light.
Everything seemed too much for her. She could not be not okay. She just had to be okay. But then, for her to be okay, she had to lose her life ... So she could live again. So she could try living again.
She was trying to be okay. Her brother told her that she should be okay. Their parents should be living a worry-free retirement. She just could not be not okay.
But there would be days she would be okay. Then, suddenly, those days would just seem to be overshadowed by lonely, sad, dark days. She wanted to know why she would just be that... That down, in a dungeon, her arms wrapped around her curled legs, head bowed, not wanting to see any light. She wanted that. She needed that. But she was fighting it, she could not stay for long in that dungeon. She was a light for many hopeful and spirited minds. She just could not be the darkness for those who depend on her to be their light.
Everything seemed too much for her. She could not be not okay. She just had to be okay. But then, for her to be okay, she had to lose her life ... So she could live again. So she could try living again.
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