Earlier today, my family and I started celebrating my birthday. With my silent excitement to see and be with my cute pamangkins, I made an effort to buy them cute little things that they might appreciate. 

When I gave them their presents, my nephew said, "I hate this!" Then his little sister who received a really cute bracelet with her name on it, imitated her Kuya and also said, "I hate this!" 

My heart shattered when I heard them say that. But I comforted myself, whispering to my sensitive and really sensitive self, "It's okay. They're just kids. They're just 5 and 3 years old." My sister-in-law's face looked uncomfortable. She probably didn't know how to address that situation. 

I could have chosen to sulk in my disappointment that could eventually turn to anger. But again, a voice inside me told me to choose to understand and still reach out even if you have been caused pain. 

So, I still played with my pamangkins. 

Later on, after the dinner, my nephew held my boyfriend's hand and then, he reached for my hand as well that leaves him on our middle. Then, he started kissing my hand as well as my boyfriend's hand. He would do that continuously until we reached the coffee shop.

Some divine intervention probably made him do that but surely, it did help me quickly forget my disappointment. 

That ouchy reaction after I gave them their little presents could have hardened my heart. But with some push on my part to reach out, that "I hate this!" moment turned to him saying, "Hey everybody, let's sing Happy Birthday for Tita!" followed with what he calls a family hug... then we hugged, just the way he wanted it. 

They called my health condition as birthday jitters.

I was throwing up non stop last night and it was really horrible. Not to exaggerate it but I did feel like just wanting to die because of the difficulty to endure the pain. I just psyched myself up saying in my head that my physical pain was nothing compared to those suffering from a more serious illness. 

Now, that I am feeling a bit better, I am at awe. This feeling of awe probably comes from my admiration at how our body can easily heal given the proper care and medication. We just need to seek help. 

"Tired of being a fighter... " Beam me up by P!nk

Hope in the midst of despair

It's more than a week now since the worst typhoon ever recorded hit the Philippines, my home country. Since then, news on TV and radio are filled with stories of despair, hope, blaming, heroism, all sorts of human experiences. For many of the families whose loved ones were taken away by this typhoon, I know I would not be able to get into the depth of their pain from losing a loved one. On top of that pain of loss, are the feelings of frustration, desperation, helplessness - trying to get by everyday with little and maybe even nothing at all to eat.

Pictures of the situation are depressing. People endure long lines just to get packs of food, water, clothes for a temporary relief. With such reality, I couldn't help but feel inspired by these survivors who do all they can to continue on living.

While, many suffer from mental illness wanting to end their lives, here we see thousands of survivors wanting to continue living despite their losses. Those who struggle to live, wanting to end their lives and seeing no hope in whatever situation they are in, can get inspiration from these Filipino survivors of the typhoon Haiyan.

Photo credit: telegraph.co.uk

Trying to change the rhythm of my life

Running for my mental and physical health

Listening to His words for my spiritual health