Pia Wurtzbach in each one of us

Miss Universe 2015, Pia Wurtzbach posted this on Instagram -

It started making sense to her. Maybe she meant all her struggles, her three tries to get to where she is now.

I feel so much for people like her - for people who struggled a lot and finally saw the reasons for everything. I look up to them. I want to find out how they did it. I know the answers must be - "Never give up, never give up your dreams, just keep believing, etc."

What else did they do? Aside from mentally psyching themselves? I'm asking these questions because none of the things that happened to me make sense, still. I still am finding out why those had to happen. Why? I wanna know and feel that all the struggles to choose what is right are all worth it. And for now, I see no reason why those pains are worth it.

I was once like her -

Pia Wurtzbach was once remembered by her statement in Star Magic Philippines (an agency for actors and actresses in ABS-CBN) that she will be one day Miss Universe. She also tweeted one time after Gilas Pilipinas lost in a game that "...babawi tayo sa Miss Universe.''

I remember before saying to my family that when people see me, "Uy, si (my name) yun" (in a delighted and amazed tone, of course). I said that when we were in the car and we saw on the sidewalk near ABS-CBN a news anchor walking. I knew how to psyche myself.

I also did dream of becoming the first lady governor or the first lady mayor of my town. Yes, I wanted to be a politician. I don't know what happened. My trials made me lose confidence in myself. I stopped trying. I stopped believing in myself. Eventually, what I thought and how I perceived myself probably reflected so much in my actions that people around me would also look down on me. I accepted those moments when they would treat me like I'm worthless. I didn't care. I got hurt, of course. But I just accepted that I'm really worthless anyway. For a looooong time, I lived with that. I think, I still live with that. But slowly, I'm trying to change what I think and how I perceive myself. I want to bring back my confidence and faith in myself. If I had those before, I want to even level it up.

Never giving up - 

Her win would probably mean so many different things for different people. But for me, she is one proof that determination to continue struggling, trying, and believing in one's dream can lead to its realization.

The realization of one's dream cannot be achieved without ardent prayers and surrounding with people who believe in you. So I guess, no, I believe, that with one's determination, faith, and being with the right people can lead to one's success.

Thanks to this Miss Universe 2015. It was not only a venue to showcase a woman's inner beauty. It also ignited so many dying spirits in women.

On where we probably got the habit of comparing ourselves

I think we all had that moment in our childhood when the elders would say, "Gawin mo yan, tingnan mo si (your cousin's/sibling's/anyone's name here) kaya gawin, ikaw hindi? or "Ay do this, would you like to be like (your cousin's/sibling's/anyone's name here) na hindi nya alam/gawin? Diba ayaw, kaya gawin mo na." All these things have made us somehow look to others to compare ourselves, if we're good enough or if we're simply enough. I don't think it did us good. So now that we're older, we get that habit of doing something because we just gotta be better than others or we just gotta beat the rest. And this has only become worse because of Facebook and other social media platforms.

There's nothing bad about wanting to be the best. But to the point of thinking that we are far superior than others? I don't think that is good.

Sometimes, we can't blame our elders because the unthinking, narrow-minded sector of the society would treat people depending on how "the best" you are. "The best" in this context refers to those people who supposedly studied longer - doctors, priests, lawyers, etc. The longer your name is with all those titles, the better because that means the more that you will be respected. Never mind if you don't pay your taxes as a doctor. Never mind if you sexually abuse your followers. Never mind if you can be bribed. Just as long as you have the title, you should be respected. Respect is earned not because of what you do as a human being or how you good you treat others, but because of what comes with your name.

And this is the sad, very sad reality that we live in. This very sad reality is the reality that our parents want to spare us from. So what happens? They push us to our limits, to be the best ... even to the point that comparing ourselves with others is their way to motivate us.

Running for life

How have I been? Self-check is very important - not just for the Depressed but to any one. Why? Self-check allows you to think about your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional state. It does not only require thinking, but also feeling.

With regard to my state of happiness, I am happy that I've been working so hard to keep myself sanely happy by doing yoga and running. These replaced my pills. And I'm glad I try so hard to commit myself to these two physical activities that I try to make sure that I build my daily schedule around it. Even more so that I really have to shed off the pounds I gained from taking the anti-depressant pills that could also have contributed to my weight gain. 

In fact, yesterday I did a 10-K run at the 39th Milo Marathon! I was and still extremely happy that I finished it. I thought that I wouldn't be able to. At 2K, I was already feeling like wanting to give up. I was looking around me and trying to find a place where I could just hide and tell my boyfriend (who also ran and went ahead of me) to pick me up there after the run. The feeling was made even worse when I realized that the marathon marshals on their bikes were behind me which meant that I was the last person!

But I went on. I continued. I do not remember anymore what was going on inside my mind that made me continue. I guess the run-walk interval helped. The run-walk didn't put too much pressure on me - just the right pressure to make me finish. Also, I kept on convincing myself that I want to be known as the "finisher" - that one person who finishes something that I start - be it on running or any project  or academic-related work. I was looking for many reasons to continue running - aside from my thoughts, I saw the reasons to run in the old - that lolo and lola who were way older than me but were running! Also, I tried to pace my running with this couple whose speed were probably just the same as mine. Running with these two made running feel less lonely. 

I realized that running is very similar to life - sometimes, you just feel like wanting to give up because you're already feeling weak and you're way behind others anyway. But, because you choose to go on, you do everything to find all the reasons to continue. Until you reach that point where you can somehow easily continue no matter how hard it is or how weak you already feel. And when you reach the finish line - you realize, wow... you can really do it! With positive thinking and choosing to stay strong, everything is possible!