Sound of Nature

There's one good thing that I've recently discovered to keep my nerves calm in the midst of the rat race in the City - the Sound of Nature from the album Spa Moods.

Here's the link to one of the sounds found in the album.

I play it before I sleep or while I'm having my long relaxing bath. I play it whenever I feel my facial muscles forming new layers of wrinkles. I play it whenever I feel my brain warming up to get ready to explode.

I'm sharing this to you so you can also find yourselves calmed in the middle of what seems to be a chaos in the city.

Press Stress

Summer is almost over. And classes are about to start. When classes start, I am quite sure that I'd be very busy that I might even forget to consciously enjoy breathing.

Being busy is something I both love and hate. I love it because it keeps my mind working, only thinking of what would seem productive and important to keep me breathing and living in this day and age. I detest it because the busy-ness sometimes puts my mind away from what truly lasts - love and time for family. 

This school year will be different in the sense that I know now that before everything starts, I should be well-equipped in terms of preparation, class meetings, consultations, committee works, etc. If I don't, stress would be my constant companion who can bring along depression with her.

Stress is something I must always consciously combat. If I don't, it could be the start of another difficult battle against self-pity, anger, and eventually depression (which I'll call D from now on). You see now I realize that I love myself so much that I won't let myself suffer again the effects of D (I can't believe I just said I love myself! Oh, this is something to celebrate) . Before when something exciting begins, I would just plunge in without really making sure that I got everything I need.

For anyone who suffers from D or who wants to avoid D, knowing your stressors is very important. It's like the old saying from The Art of War by Sun Tzu, "Know your enemy." Know everything about what causes your stress - it could be work-related, family, lover, money. So you can deal with them, take control of them before they control you.

Now, let me go back to dealing with my possible stressors - lessons, students, expectations, evaluations,  ... where do I begin? Oh... list what I can do now before the school year starts and do what I can do now. So help me God. 

That word

How do you forgive? When can you say you've totally forgiven? Is there a deadline for someone  to feel ready in forgiving? Is forgiving achieved only by saying, "I forgive you"? Does it end there? How do you know you've completely forgiven someone or something?

This topic on Forgiveness is something I have been avoiding. But this topic doesn't stop from whispering on my ears telling me I gotta write about Forgiveness.

Let me go back to the time when I first became serious about reflecting on what Forgiveness is.

One nun told me that for me to move on, I must learn to forgive myself. So she began our retreat with the topic on Forgiveness. Forgiving oneself, to be exact.

"But why do I forgive myself?" This was exactly my thought when she was trying to facilitate my retreat.

Now, I forget. Maybe it didn't have that much impact on me.

During a silent retreat, I encountered this word again. What did I think about it? I forget, too. I even had to go back to old journals and retrieve what I used to think about it. Now, here is what I found in one of my entries:

"I forgive myself. What was me could never be undone, removed from what makes me. "

There's one thing I realize now as I write about Forgiveness. It is a decision. It is not based on some flimsy feeling that one only does when she feels like it. Forgiveness doesn't happen only in confessions and in retreats.

Forgiveness is something that one must choose everyday just to move on. Forgiveness is a choice one must do every minute or every moment she is reminded of the pain.

That forgiving heart must remain strong when she is reminded that she is someone unworthy of forgiveness and when she is made to feel only worthy to be an object of scorn.

How do you forgive? You just decide on it.
When do you forgive? You decide on it.
Is there a deadline? You decide.
Is forgiving achieved only by saying, "I forgive you"? No.
Does it end there? No.
How do you know you've completely forgiven someone or something? I don't think there's that term "completely forgiven" or "partially forgiven". In its most real meaning, there's only "Forgiven." 

And to say "I forgive you" I mean, "I decide to forgive you everyday, every moment I feel the pain."

Unloading

Have you had that moment you felt so desperate that you even consult horoscopes to "guide" you in dealing with something so difficult? Or maybe you bought all the magazines that contain articles that might help you? Or that moment when you just wish that when you wake up all's well but when you woke up, all is still not well?

I realize now, that sometimes, all it takes to help yourself get out from a difficult situation is to look into yourself. There are several things that I gave up, to help myself. I don't know how I came to that point but I thank God that I reached that point. These are some of the things or activities I gave up that have been helping me which might also help you to jumpstart a stress-free life:

1. Facebook (FB). This social networking site, I realize, though it seems good for everyone but this is not actually for everyone. In my case, FB became a source of pressure for me to do better than others. It would also trigger a high level of stress to me knowing how this site has become a tool for infidelity and betrayal.
2. Horoscopes. I used to subscribe to daily horoscopes. It was odd how for many times, the horoscope would seem to speak truth. Reading horoscopes became so addicting for me that I depended on it whenever I'd find it difficult to deal with someone or something. Later on, I realized that sometimes, what it takes to overcome a difficulty is a listening heart, silence, and openness to change.
3. High expectations. Writing about high expectations takes more time for me to start. Maybe, this is one thing that I'm still struggling with. Almost two years now when I had too much expectations from a relationship which resulted in repeated disappointments, rejections and silent anger that pushed me to my limits. This completed the already brewing depression in my system. Now, I've learned to manage expectations. I'm still learning though. 

Giving all these up might not be easy. For others, they may not even realize these can be stressors for them. The key here is to look into oneself, know oneself and discover which of the many things that we do or that we have that should be unloaded for a lighter and happier life.

how to be depressed

Over the week that has just passed, I think I just brewed a perfect mixture to make me prone to depression.

Here's the list on how to be prone to depression:

• 3-4 hours of sleep everyday (or better yet, erratic sleeping)
• 2 days to none at all of physical exercise
• 4-5 cups of coffee everyday 
• 2-3 bags of chips
• 0 intake of fish oil (that has EPA and DHA which are anti-depressants)
• different time sked for meals
• different time sked for pill intake
• unbalanced meal
• a deadline to beat
• super high expectation for oneself

To make it worse, one or all of the things listed below will help:

• toxic relationship with a partner(lover/husband/wife)
• poor family communication
• zero social support

If you really want to be depressed, then you can do the following:

• deny that you need help from others
• keep all the problems to yourself 
• never express your feelings
• involve yourself in stressful situations like illicit affairs, illegal acts, etc.

Symptoms that your ways to be depressed may be effective:

• always shouting in anger
• extremely quiet 
• out of focus
• lack of interest in anything
• insomnia or hypersomnia
• and a lot others 

Mom

My mom is my mom.

I can never change her by my cold silent treatment. (I can only change me.)

She is just the way she is. (I am the way I am. Yet, she still loves me.)

She might have hurt me. But she only means well. Because she loves me. And I will never doubt that.


Your mom is your mom.

You can never change her by your loud harsh words. (You can only change you.)

She is just the way she is. (You are the way you are. Yet, she still loves you.)

She might have hurt you. But she only means well. Because she loves you. And never doubt that.


Happy Mother's Day to our moms.

reality check

Reality check. I tried so hard to push myself onto that weighing scale I have been avoiding for so many weeks.


So, because of that reality that really hurts so bad... I came up with this.



The idea's not original (got it from Instagram). But this surely is helping me so far (or so nothing - only 2 days of running).

I am sort of embracing the reality that exercising is probably one thing I will have to accept about the new me that I'm becoming. If I don't want to take pills anymore then I will have to do this natural way of becoming happy - exercising!

Helping those who help

I think I know that living with someone who is depressed can be depressing.

I think that kind of situation takes a lot of energy and effort too, for those family and friends whose loved one is diagnosed to be depressed.

And I use, "I think" because I'm not really sure. I am just attempting to put myself into their shoes.

Well, this is also an attempt to enlighten you how you can help someone depressed. At the end of it all, I suggest too that you as someone who is living with someone depressed should remember to take care of your emotions as well, your thoughts, and your own over-all mental wellness. The happiness you bring is as contagious as the loneliness that the depressed brings. So, be sure to take care of your own mental health as well.

1 Know that it takes time. To be free from depression doesn't happen overnight or in a snap of a finger. You can't just tell her to be well fast. Sad to say but it doesn't happen that way. Since depression is the effect of not just one event but, a string of emotionally draining happenings coupled with poor social support and many different factors such as a toxic relationship or death of a loved one, it also takes an army to cure depression. So, I don't think you can't just tell the person to snap out of it or to be well fast. It might sound helpful, but realistically speaking, it may just put more pressure on the patient.

2 Communication or expression is one way of fighting depression. It may sound absurdly simple but it is so true. That's why there's talk therapy. Studies say that depression is actually "anger turned inwards". It is anger unexpressed. So true, at least for me. So how can you help? Let the patient speak her thoughts without you giving any judgment. If you think that her way of thinking is illogical, thus making her more sad or just plain wrong, then it is a challenge for you to make her change the way she thinks.

One time, I was blabbering my thoughts to my mom, telling her how excited I am about this book I found that gives suggestions on curing depression just by making some lifestyle changes. I was driving and my eyes on the road but I could sense her discomfort about the topic. She was quiet and not reacting at all to my excitement. I frankly told her, "You're not comfortable about the topic, noh?" And she replied, "Can't you just think that you're normal. That you don't have depression. Act normal."

She probably meant well but that totally shut me off. I shivered. I was flustered. I thought "Oh okay, I can't talk to my own mom." I was self-talking, wanting to tell her that she should be happy that I'm doing something to help myself. But no, me finding out more about curing depression, doesn't, for her, help. As she said, I should act normal. For many weeks after that, I stopped talking to her about how I feel. I was extremely sad that I couldn't talk to my own mother.

I can understand her. There's no mom in her sanity would want for her child to be unwell mentally. But I just hope that people will understand that this condition is just like any other illnesses that need the mom's attention (or better yet, the family and loved ones' attention). Anyway, this is probably a battle I have to fight on my own (and some of my family and loved ones, too).

The story goes on. I have been following the book's suggestions, and I tell you, it's been helping me. More on that book later on.

3 Help the patient create happy memories. Most probably, that person depressed has had a many traumatic events in her life. Instead of making it harder for her by blaming her, be the one person who can help forgive herself. She has probably committed unthinkable mistakes or for you, unforgivable and so damn wrong. You will never know the hell she had gone through (or she's still probably going through) just to help herself get out from the situation, so, it's not going to help if you make it more hell-ish for her. Pity those people who think highly of themselves, saying or thinking they will never do wrong and be wrong. One day, one time, they will find themselves humbled by life.

If you find yourself tired or exhausted from doing all these, it's perfectly normal. I hope you won't blame the patient though. Remember, if you stick to her or decide to be with her still, that's your own choice. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, too.