Those days

"Remember, Yoga is about you. It's about you... youuuuuu, and youuuuuu. It's about your own breathing..... Your own position.... Your own balance." 

"Oh c'mon. Stop that, it's damn hard, okay? Can't you see me, I look awful. And awkward."

I decided to do yoga after more than a year of not attending any yoga class. You can say I forced myself. If I can only choose not to but I have to. But I can really choose not to, but I still chose to. Damn.  But whatever, I did it. I had to. With the pill's side effect of weight gain... you know what I mean.

I couldn't help but wonder while I was stretching the unwanted glucose away, how could the anti depressant pills be anti depressant when its side effect of weight gain is so depressing? 

But of course, my shrink's voice could enter into my self-talk and say, "Siguro naman pag nagexercise ka hindi ka tataba kahit umiinom ka ng gamot." 

Yeah. Whatever. As if it's that easy to just get up and exercise.

Everything is an effort. Sigh. How many times have I said that since I learned about the condition? I will be frank to say that it can be tiresome! 

I have found it dragging sometimes to wake up early and drink meds at the same time everyday (of course I haven't been religious about the time), and to stand up again before sleeping to drink another set of meds. Shit. I just want to be okay. To be okay for me means, not drinking meds. Why is it so hard to be okay? 

And during these times, when drinking meds and just getting up to exercise are too dragging that people like me need HELP. 

There are times we can do what we have to do on our own, but there are also times that oneself isn't enough.