That word

How do you forgive? When can you say you've totally forgiven? Is there a deadline for someone  to feel ready in forgiving? Is forgiving achieved only by saying, "I forgive you"? Does it end there? How do you know you've completely forgiven someone or something?

This topic on Forgiveness is something I have been avoiding. But this topic doesn't stop from whispering on my ears telling me I gotta write about Forgiveness.

Let me go back to the time when I first became serious about reflecting on what Forgiveness is.

One nun told me that for me to move on, I must learn to forgive myself. So she began our retreat with the topic on Forgiveness. Forgiving oneself, to be exact.

"But why do I forgive myself?" This was exactly my thought when she was trying to facilitate my retreat.

Now, I forget. Maybe it didn't have that much impact on me.

During a silent retreat, I encountered this word again. What did I think about it? I forget, too. I even had to go back to old journals and retrieve what I used to think about it. Now, here is what I found in one of my entries:

"I forgive myself. What was me could never be undone, removed from what makes me. "

There's one thing I realize now as I write about Forgiveness. It is a decision. It is not based on some flimsy feeling that one only does when she feels like it. Forgiveness doesn't happen only in confessions and in retreats.

Forgiveness is something that one must choose everyday just to move on. Forgiveness is a choice one must do every minute or every moment she is reminded of the pain.

That forgiving heart must remain strong when she is reminded that she is someone unworthy of forgiveness and when she is made to feel only worthy to be an object of scorn.

How do you forgive? You just decide on it.
When do you forgive? You decide on it.
Is there a deadline? You decide.
Is forgiving achieved only by saying, "I forgive you"? No.
Does it end there? No.
How do you know you've completely forgiven someone or something? I don't think there's that term "completely forgiven" or "partially forgiven". In its most real meaning, there's only "Forgiven." 

And to say "I forgive you" I mean, "I decide to forgive you everyday, every moment I feel the pain."