all pretty

The weekend that was, was all pretty. 

Feeling happy was all that I could be.

Kids' innocence and simplicity 

make everything seem easy

Siblings love and care

tell me I could be who I desire to be

Mom's words of wisdom

invite me to stay true to who I am meant to be

Listen to your body

It's funny how I can know when I am actually feeling stressed. It's not the typical signs like feeling irritable or getting angry easily. I know I am stressed when there's this excruciating pain at the left side of my stomach. It feels like that part of my stomach is held tightly and then squeezed.

I first learned about it last year when I was facing my older brother and his wife who had hurt me (maybe, unintentionally) before. I felt it again when I was with my whole family, having dinner, and supposedly having fun. That restaurant was in a place where I had many traumatic experiences.

When I realized that I felt that pain more often than before, then, I did a self-check. I checked when it would occur to me. That's when I found out that, it would come visit me when I am in a stressful situation.

Today, I have confirmed (for the nth time) that it's really stress-induced because of two things that happened to me. The first event was when I faced my class and saw on their faces that they could not enjoy the play they were watching because of the poor audio quality, that pain in my stomach struck me. It was a simple problem. It was a problem beyond my control but still, I felt stressed. What I did, I just talked to myself and told myself that "It's beyond your control. Relax. It's not your fault." But you see, there's another voice that would tell me, "You could have foreseen that. You could have avoided that."

Another situation today when I felt that pain was when I was conversing with a staff who was talking about the requirements to be an early childhood education teacher. The staff was very easy to talk to actually, her voice was lovely that it would make you want to talk more, and our topic wasn't a matter of life and death. The topic of our conversation just had something to do with my future. But in the midst of our telephone conversation, I felt that stomach pain again.

It's also a frequent visitor during driving. So, what I would do is, breathe in and out in the midst of that stressful situation.

This visitor, if I don't recognize it, can evolve into an outrage. Like there was one time, when I went out from the car and shouted out this motorcycle driver because he accidentally hit the right side of the car. Just a few minutes before that incident, a traffic enforcer hailed us (me and my company) because of a traffic violation. When he got my friend's license, I did not react. I was just quiet. But you see, an hour or so before that traffic violation incident, my friend kept on raising his voice and cursing other drivers on the road. He wouldn't shout at them. He would just shout it at me, his only company in the car. I told him calmly many times to stop but he did not. So what happened next? I expressed my silent anger towards that motorcycle driver who I could have faced civilly.

So, it's very important for me and those who can barely manage stress to recognize these situations that stress us out. If we don't recognize it, it comes out in a monstrous way.

This pain is actually a blessing in disguise. It serves like an "alert" signal that warns me to slow down, relax, and breathe.

Stress is one cause of Depression. Knowing what stresses the Depressed is very important. And sometimes, to know what causes it, you just have to listen to your body.















Photo Credits:

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1262332/thumbs/o-STOMACH-ACHE-facebook.jpg

http://static.squarespace.com/static/51b0af4de4b03cb960ebd366/51b0b0f8e4b0fd0e63f4a708/521e5d95e4b07ebedcb46a0d/1377730631105/listen1.jpg?format=1000w

Scheduling to help the Depressed

Structure or a planned schedule in the day of the person suffering from Depression, according to medical studies, helps the Depressed.

The body, studies say, tends to act better when it follows a routine. When there's a routine followed, there is more balance in the chemicals (maybe) in the brain.

So, the following basic needs should be scheduled (follows a specific time for every day): sleep, meals, snacks, taking in of medicines, exercise, and maybe even, some quiet time - like praying or meditating.

I know this sounds like stifling. Even I, myself, who tried it really felt suffocated and felt like unable to enjoy the day.

Resources and outside support seem to be too little for us. So, maybe, we can only do with what we have - that is, set a specific time for these basic needs that seem too trivial but actually crucial in uplifting our mood.

Some of you are probably lucky to have company at home who can remind you about these mundane stuff. But for those who live alone, following strictly a schedule requires extra effort.

Depression in Art

On a lighter note, here's a link to the site that showed the frustrations of the depressed.

21 Comics that capture the frustrations of depression

If words cannot make you understand Depression, I hope the comics did all the talking to explain what it's like for us.

Here's my favorite

Stigmatized

This blog is already two years old. But I never had the courage to share this to my family and friends. There were times that I would attempt to put the URL site to my Instagram and Twitter accounts but after a short while, I would delete it.

The reason for not making this publicly known to my circle of friends is quite obvious. I am afraid to be (mis)judged. The stigma many people have attached for mental illnesses is something I am not ready to publicly break. I am a member of a respectable family. I am a teacher by profession. I am part of a supposedly "normal" world where only "normal" people are accepted. And to be part of this judgmental world where eccentric actuations such as getting angry in the public, being anxious when surrounded by people, getting obsessive-compulsive about something trivial, or feeling extremely sad for no reason are considered as MADNESS, it is difficult to move your way around and tell everyone, "Stop judging! You don't know and will probably never know how it would feel to be in their situation!" Because when you do just that, you may be called as also mad. Sad, right?

What's even more sad is when you can only start understanding them when a member of your family or your loved one is a victim of such a mental illness that led to suicide. Take this story for an example:

CNN Article: I was an accomplice to my brother's suicide

In the article, mental illness was something the sister took seriously only when her brother was already gone.

It's probably an insane dream where the world just seems more accepting and less judgmental of mental illnesses.

But still, I look forward to that day, when I can write a book about my own fight against depression and not be afraid of being judged by my own family and loved ones.

Depression and Career

Lately, I have become more open to sharing my story of my illness to some colleagues and friends who I think are open-minded and understanding. There's one common question I got from my different circles of friends, "Good thing your job did not get affected." The thing is, it did affect my job. Big time.

When I started taking my medicines, I did not know what to expect for the side effects. My former doctor did not really warn me. Good thing my mom is a pharmacist and she researched on the medicine. There were many listed side effects. But which of those would affect me, we did not know yet.

Yawning was one funny side effect of the medicine. I would yawn at the unlikely time of the day. I would yawn when I was not really feeling sleepy. I would yawn, yawn, and yawn. Yawn at the average of 10 times in one hour. It was so unusual that I felt my facial muscles really feeling stretched out. It had the kind of muscle pain that anyone would feel after some stretching. 

The worse effect came out in my teaching. There were many times I'd pause in the middle of a lecture because I'd suddenly feel dazed - like my mind is going to hibernate. I would stutter and get really lost for words and even ideas because my mind would slow down, and eventually freeze. Those times, I thought it was just me. There was just something wrong about me. But in retrospect and now that my body has adjusted to the medicine, I learned that it was all because of the medicine.

Right now, I would still have those side effects. But my body and mind seemed to have adjusted already. I learned the best time to take the medicine so it wouldn't have its bad effects during my teaching. I learned to listen to my body and give what my body says. If my body would feel really sleepy, I'll give her sleep. If I feel like I could not really drive, then I wouldn't drive.

The illness should not be taken lightly when choosing or managing a career. 

nature therapy

Days just got lonelier. Tears incessantly flowed from my eyes as I struggled to explain myself to a friend that "I am just not feeling okay," that my med side effect had one of its worst hit on me that I could not see and think clearly, that I can barely move.

The next day, when I opened my eyes, I resolved to make plans for myself - one of which is to make myself happy. I decided to go the local park I have been long wanted to go to. Alone. I was alone. It would seem or look sad to be alone but I prepped myself to be okay to be alone. I knew that to be alone means moving according to my own pace, without someone telling me to move faster and go home immediately. More importantly, doing things alone just to make myself happy means I am learning to not depend my happiness on anyone - not my family, not my boyfriend. I enjoyed the nature tripping. I walked along the pavements, enjoyed the sight of the luscious trees, and simply felt, alive and okay.

Most of the park visitors were the common people - families, friends, and lovers. But what I admired most were the families who brought their kids and let them play under the sun and enjoy the nature. I enjoyed watching them and eavesdropping their conversations. As I continued walking around the park (there was no map so I just followed where my footsteps would take me), I saw the sanctuaries for eagles! It was unusual for me to see those birds.

Philippine Hawk Eagle

White-bellied sea eagle

Philippine Serpent-eating Eagle

The park was actually simple and not really popular. But I am grateful that it is still there and open to the public. For only Php8.00 for the entrance fee and Php15.00 for the parking, it is definitely a good escape for those who need breathing space, solitude, and life.