Depression at TED

TED talks, a site that features various topics worth sharing through talks by different people, had Andrew Solomon speak about Depression.

Those who suffer from depression can easily relate to him. But more than that, he gives a different perspective on how one can deal with her own condition. 

While those who are not suffering from it can still learn a thing or two on how a depressed can be like. 

Click on the link below. 

http://youtu.be/-eBUcBfkVCo

Some push

Just some push from heavenly bodies from the ground - this was how I imagined the world conniving to help me go beyond my immovable limits during my first 5K run at the 37th Milo Marathon, Mall of Asia grounds.

Since, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, I felt like everything that I used to love doing suddenly felt senseless and so difficult to do.

In teaching, which is my profession, I would, with my trembling hands and unsure and dazed head, look for my creativity, passion, and commitment which I was reputed for in my first teaching job. This difficulty, which was so hard to explain at that time this was happening to me, led to lack of (and even absence) of performance in my profession. 

Running also became alien to me. The activity I would do when I felt like wanting to clear all the chaos in my mind, had become an activity I would run away from. 

But this morning, with some push from some unseen and heavenly energy, I managed to get up at 4am to prepare myself for the 5K run. The world did connive even with my family and boyfriend who were there to provide for all I needed just to get myself back up from a world full of uncertainty and insecurity. It might have just been a simple and ordinary 5K run. But for me, it meant more than that. 

To me, it meant that I can go back to what I have always loved doing. I may be starting again, but, it's okay as long as I don't stop .... I probably lost my way (or maybe not), but it's all part of it, I guess .... Getting lost to find a path leading me to where I am destined to be. 

That kind of weekend

The weekend would seem orindary but reflecting about it again, it's the kind of weekend that I actually enjoyed.

I spent it with people that make me feel happy. I spent it with my family. I helped my mom decorate her Christmas tree and even got to run-walk with my brother and his wife at this not so popular running place in my home province (but hey, I felt the fresh air!)

These simple activities lowered my stress level. Oh also, I got to stick on the family car the sticker that speaks well of my belief which is "Simple is better."

My weekend ended with a healthy Viatnemese lunch with my boyfriend and his family, the Holy Eucharist and the usual warm conversation with my cousin.

Thank God I am alive. 

Earlier today, my family and I started celebrating my birthday. With my silent excitement to see and be with my cute pamangkins, I made an effort to buy them cute little things that they might appreciate. 

When I gave them their presents, my nephew said, "I hate this!" Then his little sister who received a really cute bracelet with her name on it, imitated her Kuya and also said, "I hate this!" 

My heart shattered when I heard them say that. But I comforted myself, whispering to my sensitive and really sensitive self, "It's okay. They're just kids. They're just 5 and 3 years old." My sister-in-law's face looked uncomfortable. She probably didn't know how to address that situation. 

I could have chosen to sulk in my disappointment that could eventually turn to anger. But again, a voice inside me told me to choose to understand and still reach out even if you have been caused pain. 

So, I still played with my pamangkins. 

Later on, after the dinner, my nephew held my boyfriend's hand and then, he reached for my hand as well that leaves him on our middle. Then, he started kissing my hand as well as my boyfriend's hand. He would do that continuously until we reached the coffee shop.

Some divine intervention probably made him do that but surely, it did help me quickly forget my disappointment. 

That ouchy reaction after I gave them their little presents could have hardened my heart. But with some push on my part to reach out, that "I hate this!" moment turned to him saying, "Hey everybody, let's sing Happy Birthday for Tita!" followed with what he calls a family hug... then we hugged, just the way he wanted it. 

They called my health condition as birthday jitters.

I was throwing up non stop last night and it was really horrible. Not to exaggerate it but I did feel like just wanting to die because of the difficulty to endure the pain. I just psyched myself up saying in my head that my physical pain was nothing compared to those suffering from a more serious illness. 

Now, that I am feeling a bit better, I am at awe. This feeling of awe probably comes from my admiration at how our body can easily heal given the proper care and medication. We just need to seek help. 

"Tired of being a fighter... " Beam me up by P!nk

Hope in the midst of despair

It's more than a week now since the worst typhoon ever recorded hit the Philippines, my home country. Since then, news on TV and radio are filled with stories of despair, hope, blaming, heroism, all sorts of human experiences. For many of the families whose loved ones were taken away by this typhoon, I know I would not be able to get into the depth of their pain from losing a loved one. On top of that pain of loss, are the feelings of frustration, desperation, helplessness - trying to get by everyday with little and maybe even nothing at all to eat.

Pictures of the situation are depressing. People endure long lines just to get packs of food, water, clothes for a temporary relief. With such reality, I couldn't help but feel inspired by these survivors who do all they can to continue on living.

While, many suffer from mental illness wanting to end their lives, here we see thousands of survivors wanting to continue living despite their losses. Those who struggle to live, wanting to end their lives and seeing no hope in whatever situation they are in, can get inspiration from these Filipino survivors of the typhoon Haiyan.

Photo credit: telegraph.co.uk