A very interesting article

Just thought of sharing this -

East meets west 

:)

Fight Depression [beware: tips here are nothing new :) ]

The past few months were difficult on my part that has made writing on this blog almost impossible. But I thank God that I was still able to share some ways to fight depression. On to more suggestions...

1. Know yourself. Accept. Move on. Focus on moving forward.

A lot of those who suffer from D may have been rooted from family issues that are unsettled. While there are very few who get to settle their issues in their family in an amicable way or through the presence of trained therapists, most do not get to settle their pains and heartaches that started in their families. Unsettled issues that have not been made aware through self-reflection or talk therapies may lead to more damages such as difficulty in relating with other people, family and marriage breakup, drug addiction, and a whole lot more. Being aware is the first step. Accepting and addressing this issue is the second step. Moving on despite inability or impossibility to settle issues is another step. Is there a last step? Maybe just keeping on your focus to move forward is the last step.

2. Forgive.

Whoever may have caused your pain or trauma, forgive. Forgive him/her and forgive yourself for letting pain control your life. When pain or anger controls your life, moving forward is very difficult to do. Forgiveness is a choice done even when it is still painful to forgive. It's chosen even when it is painful. When you forgive, you are setting yourself free from the pain and anger and allowing peace and happiness to reign over your life. 

3. Find out what works for you.

Although you may find some suggestions here helpful, there are still so many hundred ways that will work for you but will not work for me. So, always, go back to knowing yourself and find out which would be the best ingredients for you to fight depression.

Only happy vibes allowed

This picture may seem just an ordinary dinner with friends. Yes it was a dinner but it was no ordinary.

Beside me was my cousin who is 8 years younger than me. In front of us are his friends since grade school.

The dinner happened because my cousin invited me to just eat over our delayed (or not happening?) plan of putting up our own school. When I told him I'm sorry that our dream school does not seem to go as planned, I was feeling terrible and so frustrated at myself. He replied that it will happen in God's time and that we should just have dinner. I thought that the invite for dinner was only an empty offer. But it was an offer that actually happened, a sincere one.

So the dinner happened. These friends of his were also there when we were planning our school. And so to have them during that dinner made me feel good because there was no judgement on their part. Only happy vibes and stories of their adventures.

Looking forward to be with positive people!

Coping with...

Dealing with an illness and working to pay the cost of being ill can be taxing. Really taxing. How ideal it would be to just rest and wait until completely cured and not having to work to be completely well. But reality is, you gotta work and pay the bills for your medicines and doctors' professional fees.

So how can one deal with an illness while still working?

1. Listen to your body. Those little and seemingly not so painful but really and actually painful throbs may mean nothing but it can actually be really something. So listen to your body when there's a throb or unusual feeling that you get. You're lucky if the symptoms are physical. You can detect easily.

2. Embrace the changes. Side effects of the medicines may be too much to bear but remember it's for your benefit. But if it's too much that your work and daily performance is affected already, tell your doctor.

3. Seek help. Sometimes you want to bear the difficult process of becoming well alone. And you can manage anyway. Other times, you feel alone and like you cannot tolerate the emotional, mental and physical pain that comes with the treatment. Acknowledge that time and seek help.

I hope these tips help.

Another Battle

Battle against Depression should have been over last year when my doctor told me I can stop taking my happy pills.

But another battle has started. This time it's my battle against PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome.

One of the symptoms of this PCOS is depression. Ha! That damn D has come back (or maybe it never actually left!) through another form - in the form of PCOS.

You ask me now how I am. I do not know anymore! I've stopped asking why I have this. I am in this state where I am in complete surrender. I am no longer questioning God. I am only struggling now to accept His plans for me and obey him unconditionally.

Instant Happiness

Don't most people prefer what is instant? Instant noodles. Instant coffee. Instant soup. Oh the list goes on and on. These things instant don't make us think anymore. We just grab it and use it. Our needs at that moment are instantly satisfied.

Lately, three things or events or choices made me instantly happy.

1. Going out with friends/Catching up
I know too well that depression makes one act like a hermit. This kind of living just makes the process of healing more difficult. And no matter how difficult it is to face friends and family, no matter how awful you feel inside, no matter how negative you are, you just gotta push yourself up and meet people. But you choose those people who make you feel safe and comfortable. Hanging out with people who only see what is ugly about the world will not at all help you.

2. Reading the bible
I would read the daily readings. Surprisingly, when I took it more seriously (meaning taking time to really reflect on it), I realized that human sufferings of today are no different from the suffering of the past. The only different is the time. But everything else is the same. From the feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and desperation to feelings of being saved, forgiven, and loved are all the same. Whatever you are going through now, it is there in the bible. The solutions for your problems are also in the bible. It's very comforting to know that you are not the first one to actually experience the difficulty and  most importantly, it's relieving to know that the solutions you are looking for are just a bible away. So go and grab that bible.

I even made an Instagram account for all the bible verses that really struck me. Posting them and rereading them are really great reminders for me to hold on and just keep the faith. Please click the link below.

A bible verse a day takes the sadness away

3. Taking time to hang out with family
Just this weekend, I was able to spend time with my family - my parents, siblings, nephew, aunts, uncles, and few cousins. We spent time chatting and eating out. In the course of our socialization, the conversation turned to talk about something more serious; one that makes the sharer more vulnerable. This kind of conversation is something new since our clan is known to be stoic. Our conversation became a discovery of issues that are actually common among other families. Since we found out how this same issue of one family is shared by other families, we felt somehow relieved knowing that we are not alone and we actually have the same issues. Acknowledging how these issues destroy different families in one clan is one way to break the pattern so we do not repeat it in the next generation. From this discovery, we shared how one copes with the difficulty. At that moment, my history of clinical depression made more sense. Suddenly, this "burden" became somebody else's instrument to be saved.

If you notice, these things do not take too much financial spending. All these require are time and effort - then you will be instantly happy.

Not of this world

Today, I will remember that I am not important. That I am not of this world but that I am in this world.

to give

"I have shown you that by working hard one must help the weak, remembering the words that the Lord Jesus himself said, 'Happiness lies more in giving than in receiving.'"

I have heard this bible verse "Happiness lies more in giving than in receiving." many times already. But this time, it has a different impact on me.

Could it be that people tend to be unhappy because they expect to receive? Receive anything from material things to receiving words of encouragement, acknowledgement of one's effort, affirmation, even love.

Could it be that to be happy, one should give what she thinks she doesn't receive or what she thinks she needs or wants? How hard is that! To give words of encouragement when you yourself do not feel encourage or is not encouraged! To acknowledge someone's effort when your effort is not given attention to! To affirm someone when you yourself are thirsty of affirmation! To love when you yourself do not feel loved!

Sigh.

Something to think about, reflect on, and pray for - to give and not to receive.

solace in a strange world

Last Friday, the Gospel spoke to me: "Truly I say to you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy. ... You feel sorrowful now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice; and no one will take your joy from you. When that day comes you will not ask me anything. Truly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you."

Today, another line from the Readings struck me: "Indeed, I put no value on my life..." Paul said these words to Ephesus. I truly do not understand its essence within the context. I just don't. But it spoke to me.

You see, that's what I exactly feel - my life has no value and I put no value on my life. Like I can disappear from work and home and no one will notice. The only person who will most likely notice is my partner. I just don't seem to feel like I matter to anyone. And so, I want to go somewhere else - to a place where no one knows me and no one should really make me feel like I matter because they are strangers to me and I am a stranger to them. Here in my world now, I feel I should matter because they are not strangers to me and I am not a stranger to them; but I don't matter.

That's what I've been praying for - for my life to have value. Or maybe somewhere, even in a strange world, I would I actually matter. I have value.I can put value on my life.

Right now, I can only close my eyes and imagine life in this world where I feel I am valued, my life has a value, and that it's living with a purpose. But after a while, I open my eyes, and see my world again - where I don't seem to really exist.

So, please bring me to a world where I can really feel I exist, my life is indeed life, and happiness is the name of the air I breathe.

Where to?

Where do you start when you find yourself sliding back to the deep dark dungeon called Depression?

Feelings of worthlessness and self pity have been becoming all too close to me once again.

To  help myself, I'm reading again
my Kindle copy of "The Depression Cure".

The Royal Family for Mental Health Awareness

I love them. But now, I love them even more. Kudos to the Royal Family for their new advocacy - mental health awareness.

Watch this video.

Campaign video of Heads Together

On silence

True.

Barely breathing

Struggling to keep myself alive