Scream

Sometimes I want to scream. Scream for help. Help that is trivial for others, but, a matter of life or death for me. Life that can keep my blood warm. Death that can keep me company in my cold breath. That scream.... That scream.

Sometimes I want to say I am not okay. That line that might suddenly make them deaf. That line that could permanently shun the life out of me. That line.... That line.

I am busy. You are okay. It is all in your head. We all go through that. You are okay.

Yeah. I hear them say that. I gotta say it to myself, too. I am okay. It's all in my head. Everyone goes through this. I am okay.

Why does being so alive so difficult? They take their cups of coffee and they are awake. I take my cups of coffee and I am still sleepy. They take all the stress, manage it and they can go on. I take all the stress, mismanage it and I cannot go on.

Life moves forward. I am stuck. Unmoving. Still sleeping.

For now...

As much as I want to spread only good and hopeful vibes here in this blog, I must also be true to myself and to you my readers that there are just really quite long and not so good and happy days (which explains why I haven't written for quite a time already).

Sure, I can find reasons to be thankful in every split second of my life but there are just those days that I would still force myself to be normally okay for my family's sake, my career's sake, for everybody else's sake...

So for now, that I am in a dazed frozen stage of my struggle to win this battle over D, I can only acknowledge and respect this part of the process.